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Now as Doctor Cockney mentioned in his last helpfull and insightfull guide to pulling. He mentioned chat up lines!!

Now don’t get me wrong I’m no pro with the ladies (you only have to watch the pilot for Date with the Doc to see that…yes I was the last minute stand in..the things I do for the old Doc..) but I reckon chat up lines suck..

But always willing to give things a go and learn how to meet girls or pull girls to be more blunt I have searched the net for some hot tips.

But instead of giving you the best ones I found. The Doc can give you those. Here are some of the worst chat up lines I came across which are bound to turn a girl off. But you never know and these might get you certain ladies …just be carefull how much you’ve had to drink though as you might regret what you catch…

1.Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let’s go fuck.

3. Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.

4. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

5. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

6. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

7. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you I’d be coming, too.

8. I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

9. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

10. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

11. Wanna play house? You be the front door and I’ll bang you all night long.

12. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

13. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

14. If you were a car, I would wax you and ride you all over town.

15. Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize.

16. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

17. Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

18. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

19. You be the tree, and I’ll wrap you like a Koala.

20. Hi my name is _______. Remember it, cause you’ll be screaming it all night long.

21. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap B&B.

22. Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I’ll go choo choo.

23. You must be Jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that.

24. The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.

25. Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?

Since the Doc has hurt his foot and for some reason that means he cannot use a computer I thought I would fill the gap of his intrepid blogs with some intersting SEX FACTS.

Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate.

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds.

Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse taking place all over the world.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

There are men in Guam whose job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the 1st time.

Sex burns 360 calories per hour!

Male and female rats may have sex twenty times a day.

22% of American women aged 20 gave birth while in their teens. In Switzerland and Japan, only 2% did so.

For every ‘normal’ webpage, there are five porn pages.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

Turkeys can reproduce without having sex. It’s called parthenogenesis.
In india it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitue than buy a condom!

When swans go on a date, they’ll put their heads together. Then they stick together for life.

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!

Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

85% of men who die of heartattacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.

An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.

The greatest recorded number of children one mother had was 69 children. Do the math!

The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

25% of women think money makes a man sexier.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Snakes have two sex organs.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t.

The average person spends 2 weeks of its life kissing.A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

Amazing!! I hope that one day a lady turns around to me and says by heck that was one pig of an orgasm!!

This week the Doctor is in Carnaby Street and finds out which sex reads body language best, what are the signs and when to use it.

We can’t promise that we will find your true Romeo or Juliet but the Doc will do his best to find out what you want and then take you out and see if he can locate it for you. Who knows we could have our first DWTD wedding on our hands sooner than we think… Don’t be shy get in touch and email the doc..if anything it will certainly be fun and better than going on a blind date or a speed date…

DR Cockney has a new show in the pipeline called a Date With The Doc. It will be shooting very soon. So if you are single and would like to go out on the street with the Doc himself and see if he can hook you up with a hot date get in touch!!! It’s summer and love is in there air or is that lust the Doc can never quite work it out…” He looks forward to hearing from you

This week The Doc meets a couple of page 3 girls Sam Cooke and Vikki Blows, at the launch of the new Sun Crossword Challenge game for the Nintendo DS at Victoria station. It gives him an idea and leads him to ask people all about sexy words!!
The Sun Crossword Challenge is a great game and you can find out more about it on the Sun Crossword Challenge official web site - and you can win a copy on Gamesweasel episode 45 on the competitions page.

Firstly its not a science and people can get their wires crossed..a girl just may catch your eye by sheer chance but you, the young stallion that you are, might think she’s ‘clocking me she is’ and take that as a green light…

My advice is if you want to be as full proof as possible try and gage as many signals as possible.

The well known signs are eye contact (including looking away and looking back, watch out though if they do this consistently it may just be a nervous twitch), smiling (beware of sympathy smiles though they are the complete opposite!!), pays you here full attention (unless your a teacher of some sort then she is probably just trying to learn from you so keep it professional), is tactile (again judge the circumstances ..if she is fitting you in a suit she is going to need to touch you! ), teasing or being sarcastic to you (especially true of shyer girls) but again  a pure insult such as ‘f off you smelly, short , pissed , lecherous looser” probably means she isnt interested .. But conversely they could still be interested if they ignore you!! yes they could be waiting to see if you are interested and also if you have the balls to make a move..

Yes women are complicated and there are hundreds of books out there on the subject (and I will have a chapter on it in my forthcoming book). But my take on it is this. If you see a girl you fancy make a move..end of..(how many girls have I interviewed and loads of stunners too who say a) they would never make the first move and b) most guys don’t make the move.. As they say you’ve got to be in it to win it. So if you get any of the tell tell signals and even if you don’t and just pass a girl on the street and think core I’d love a bit of that..do something about it..ask for her number or out for a drink. But don’t be sleazy about it saying what nice knockers they are or how slappable  her rear end is that generally doesn’t go down well (but in some places it might it all depends..) oh and do take no for an answer .. 97% of girls will be flattered.. the other 3% well..anything could happen..

Hey Doctor Cockney,

My friends say I’m really bad at telling if a girl is flirting with me..they reckon I miss out on loads of pulling opportunities as a result. My question is how can I tell if a girl is flirting?

Thanks

M

This week The Doc investigates the shag buddy, booty call phenomenon. You know friends with added benefits - it’s a funny one so don’t miss it!