So there I was on the tube this morning, minding my own business, reading the Metro, finding out who has been killed, shagged, raped, mugged, drugged, dumped, pimped, ripped off, had their leg amputated, glass eye stolen, jailed, hospitalized, water cut off, crashed their car, lost their house, lost their child and which bank has gone bust when I saw a lovely picture of a Rabbit..yes amidst all the drudgery and horror there was a happy innocent spring Rabbit..A really happy spring rabbit with a huge grin on its face..why? well as I looked down I realized why!! it was in full mount on another rabbit. Yes the brief dream of innocence that I had been lulled into was quickly popped as I realized this was Rabbit Porn.
A journo from Metro had gone out and bought a copy of Playbunny or judging by the looks of the older rabbit that the young buck was riding ‘readers pets’ stuck it in the lifestyle section of the paper and rolled out another load of lucid and really interesting sex facts..
“Apparently, sex helps almost everything.!!”
Was statement one..Really.. tell that to a Tibetan Monk currently serving time in one of Beijings finest.. actually it might be the monks get out of jail card and am sure he can ask for forgiveness..
” Statement two …Fear not, in a few weeks, we’ll all be feeling more frisky. Spring improves sex drive; energy levels surge and our pheromones, the chemicals we produce to attract mates, soar.”
So in January I read it was the biggest time for couples splitting and now April is the best time for shagging..people are really just like clockwork…
“How long should sex last?
The best sex should last between seven and 13 minutes, according to a recent report from the American Journal of Sexual Medicine.
However, even three-minute sex is deemed ‘adequate’ – good news for some and bad for others. Anything beyond 13 minutes is considered ‘too long’.”
Do they mean 13 minutes of actual banging? or are they including foreplay? and what speed are they talking about? surely 2 minutes of seriously fast ‘doggy style’ action is better than 13 minutes of cuddling, snuggling, slow grinding I love you sex..
I’m going to let the Doc comment on that..
How often should you have sex?
The question of how often we should do it is often debated.
The majority of 25 to 34-year-olds have sex three to four times a week, according to the most recent Durex Global Sex Survey. For 35 to 44-year-olds, it’s more likely to be twice a week.
Relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam explains: ‘We all know how it works – when you’re new lovers you have sex nearly every time you meet – it’s a hormonal thing.
But after a few years the bonking goes down and the talking goes up. After that, research shows chemicals change. Men, in particular, change.
Once they’ve bonded with a woman and know they can have her, they don’t have the same urgency to have sex.’”
So that’s it? In a nutshell the reason for rising divorce, affairs and people hiring a hitman/woman (we are PC here) to knock off their other half.
So I went from happy innocent rabbit to ‘mate dont bother with a girlfriend or wife the sex will dry out, you’l start to argue (and wont be able to make up through sex anymore), the milkman will call more often (even though they no longer exist), you’ll both start taking up new exciting hobbies like still life painting, dog grooming or gardening ( some men will do this literally..but that’s another story) and maybe if your lucky you’ll get divorced and have a chance to have a few years of happyness all over agaiin before hitting the same cycle again..
Great would rather have continued reading about all the theft’s, torture, drug dealing maniacs, granny porn, child eating dogs….
You can read the full Metro article and see a pic of the happy rabbits here
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